My Heart Can't Tell Her No
by Goddess Isa
Summary: his takes place right after Homecoming, because after watching it, Lover's Walk and Inca Mummy Girl (quite the combo) I feel like it just HAS to.


TITLE: My Heart Can't Tell Her No  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: This takes place right after Homecoming, because after watching it, Lover's Walk and Inca Mummy Girl (quite the combo) I feel like it just HAS to.  
SPOILER: Homecoming  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters, Joss Whedon does. If he ever decides to give them to me, that would be nice. =) 'My Heart Can't Tell Her No' is by Rod Stewart and I switched some of the words around a bit =)   
  
  
  
//I don't want you to come 'round here no more  
  
I beg you for mercy  
  
You don't know how strong my weakness is  
  
Or how much it hurts me\\   
  
  
I know who's behind the door from the minute I hear the shrill ring of the doorbell. It's been broken for years, but no one has ever bothered to fix it. Instead of ding-dong, it just sort of dongs.   
  
I'm a bit reluctant to open the door even though my hormones are begging me to rip it off. I can sort of sense Willow, and I'm nervous and embarrassed at what I'll do if I get her alone in my empty house.   
  
I open the door and she comes in without saying anything. I realize I didn't even greet her so I try to sound normal. "Where's Oz?" I ask as though I might actually care. I hope she knows better.   
  
"It's three a.m. Xander. He's practicing with the Dingoes."   
  
"So you came here." I walk into the living room and plop on the couch. 'That Thing You DO!" has ended and now VH1 is airing some sort of special on Rod Stewart's music videos. I'm too lazy to turn it off so his music plays in the background, sort of like it might happen on a soap opera.   
  
I notice her looking at me, waiting for me to say or do something. I sigh and sit on my feet. "So, basically, you're here because I'm the anti-Oz. Hey, Oz is busy, that's okay, I'll go see Xander."   
  
"It's not like that at all."   
  
"Then why are you here?"   
  
"I had to see you."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Don't you know?"   
  
  
//Cause when you say it's over  
  
I want to believe it's true\\   
  
  
"I can't stop thinking of us. Ever since--"   
  
"The kiss?" I guess. She nods. "It's always about that Goddamned kiss."   
  
Her face is flushed and I can't tell if she's hurt or relieved. Maybe she's both. "So then, you regret it?"   
  
"Are you kidding? I've thought of nothing else since the moment our lips touched. Nothing else and no one else. I only want you."   
  
"Ha ha. We're both in those highly regarded things called relationships."   
  
"So? Did it matter when we kissed?"   
  
Willow shrugged. "Does it matter now?"   
  
  
//So I let you in  
  
Knowing tomorrow   
  
I'm gonna wake up missing you\\   
  
  
"I want to kiss you so bad," I admit. I stand up and go over to her, standing just inches away. Our bodies could be pressed against each other in a matter of seconds yet neither of us move. I reach my hand out and touch her hair, and her eyelids, her cheeks and her lips. "I want to kiss you and touch you so bad it hurts." I move my finger down her chin to her neck and I can tell by her breathing that she's turned on by my actions, but is she turned on because they're my actions, or because they're actions? I notice her blouse is buttoned sloppily and I want to throw it off for her and touch her, feel her chest pressed against mine. I can't stop feeling this way, regardless of how I feel about myself for wanting her when we're not free.   
  
"You don't love me," I finally say. I pull my finger all the way from her and let my arms dangle at my sides. My erection is straining against my jeans and I want her more than I've ever wanted antyhing or anyone before.   
  
"All I wanna do is grab you and kiss you and make love you to. I want you to want me the way I want you and I want you to want you and I to be an 'us' as much as I do."   
  
"Xander?" she's confused, the same way she was when we tried to talk about the kiss.   
  
"I know you love Oz." It hurt so much to get that out. The words burned in my throat.   
  
"Don't you love Cordelia? Doesn't that make it okay? Two people in love with other people?"   
  
"I'm not. I'm not in love with Cordelia. I love you."   
  
  
//When the one you love's  
  
In love with someone else  
  
Don't you know it's torture?  
  
I mean it's living Hell\\   
  
  
"You don't love Cordelia?"   
  
"Gee, an echo."   
  
"Don't." she says with a threatening voice I've never heard her use before.   
  
"Don't what? Don't be callous? Don't be funny? Or don't be in love with you? 'Cause I can't do a damn thing about that last one."   
  
"Love is pain. We already know that. But we could make this work, we could have--"   
  
"An affair?" I finally have the nerve I need to go back by the couch so there are several feet between us now. "I can't. I can't do that to you and I can't do that to Cordelia."   
  
"You don't care about me?" she asked.   
  
"That's the problem!" I shout. "I DO care about you!"   
  
  
//No matter how I try to  
  
Convince myself  
  
This time I won't lose control  
  
One look in your green eyes  
  
And suddenly  
  
My heart can't tell her no\\   
  
  
I go back over and pull her to me, our bodies smacking against each other with impact. I kiss her. I suck on her lips and duel with her tongue and wish things could be different. I wish it was easy to be in love. I wish I could be with the one I love. Or at least try to be with Cordelia. I know I'll never be happy with anyone but Will, and I can't make Cordy hurt while I try to tell myself that I can.    
  
This is all because of Willow.   
  
My heart can't tell her no.


End file.
